Prepare your BDSM session: The 7 steps!
The following steps will be useful for anyone who wants to prepare for a session with a couple (or couples), but keep in mind that the dominant (“dom”) is the leader, so most of the steps will be carried out by the dominant, especially planning Seattle BDSM. The role of the submissive (“sub”) is to follow, but also participate in the planning in terms of setting limits and communicating desires. Don’t hesitate to take as much time as you need, as the first step is the most important, establishing the framework.
- COMMUNICATION BEFORE A BDSM SESSION
In the days before the session, you should discuss the type of BDSM session you want to have and the activities you want to do.
Talk about what you want, what you might be curious to try, and what you’re not interested in or don’t want to do at all. This is where boundaries are negotiated. The submissive must set clear and precise boundaries and choose his safe word.
Then agree on your wishes, for example, whether you both like vaginal sex , fisting , nipple torture , spanking or clitoral stimulation leading to forced orgasm. Be sure to negotiate the expectations and intensity levels of each activity and take safety precautions.
Once they agree, the dominant can plan the session and think about what they need to prepare, moving on to step 2.
- SET THE STAGE FOR THE BDSM SESSION
Start mentally planning the scene by choosing the time, place, and sexual (or other) activities that are most important to you (make sure they are also priorities for your slave). Take this into account for the session. It is not advisable to plan (although you can) every detail of a session: it could be too robotic for the first time.
Plus, it puts a lot of pressure on you to “memorize” all your moves. You want everything to happen naturally and in the moment. You have the basic construct (defined roles, established boundaries, core activities) and within that construct you improvise the flow of the session.
Dominant: Now that you know what your main activities are, be sure to order the bdsm accessories you need.
Submissive: It’s time to make the most of your role and mentally prepare yourself for submission . You will also need to plan your outfit. Opt for latex if you or your dom has a fetish , or opt for SM lingerie or cute fur/leather body harnesses like the ones below.
- SPICE THINGS WITH A NAUGHTY CALL OR SEXTING
Dominant: Start with light instructions to prepare your submissive for bondage. For example, ask for sexy photos or give him masturbation instructionsby telling him what you are going to do to him. Maybe even with a dildo or vibrator . If you both like to practice sodomy during sex , this is a good time to ask him to put on a butt plug to practice before the session. It is this whole phase of suspense and excitement that will prepare you for the big day. - PREPARATION OF BDSM ACCESSORIES
Dominant: Gather your toys and let’s play! In addition to having a rich and satisfying sexual life. Part of the fun of setting up a BDSM session lies in choosing accessories and costumes. It can be a simple bonnet, a fetish bodysuit, a duster, adjustable handcuffs, a leather collar, a corset, a bustier, a cock ring or a camisole.
In fact, the accessories are diverse and varied. For beginners , the easiest way to avoid spending hours and save a few euros is to buy a bondage kit .
For many experienced fetishists, the quintessential domination accessory remains the chastity cage . It exists in different shapes and variants, for men, for women, in metal, electric, silicone and many others!
- GIVE INSTRUCTIONS TO YOUR SUBMISSION
Dominant: The day before and/or the day of the session, you must send your main instructions by text message or by calling your submissive . It’s not just about getting into the submissive’s “headspace” (not to be confused with the “submissive’s space”). Set the suspense by giving some details of what you will do during the session, but leave some suspense.
For example, you can send a message to your slave telling him that you want him to wear a vinyl suit or that he will have to wait for you in the doggy position, topless or without a shirt. You can also order him to do his anal enema or have his prostate stimulated a little before you arrive so that he is prepared to receive you.
- THE RIGHT MINDSET
Unless your partner is a masochist , the physical interaction of the instrument ( hand, rope, whip, cane , etc.) and the submissive’s body is only one aspect of bdsm . The other, even more important factor is the mental state of the slave. Before playing, the Dominant’s main goal should be to inspire confidence and relaxation in the submissive, so that tension and apprehension are banished from his mind.
Thus, before the session even begins, the submissive is already in the most receptive state of mind for S&M or mental dominance play. The submissive ‘s psychological capacity to be receptive is usually determined long before she is handcuffed and tied to the St. Andrew’s cross.
The goal of most sessions (other than a kidnapping scene or consensual sexual assault) should be to put the submissive in a confident, stress-free psychological state. Ideally, the submissive should have the same faith in the Dominant ‘s abilities as he would have in a qualified surgeon.
- GO FOR IT WITH CALM!
If you don’t feel safe, take action. Before and during the play, behave in a way that supports the feeling that you would feel comfortable in your role. Find your voice and your rhythm, and if you feel a little shaky inside, it’s normal, like the track before you go on stage.